“It’s simply the best thing I have ever done”

Donegal foster carer Eileen Harkin reflects on how fostering has not only changed the lives of the 35 children she and her husband have supported, but has enhanced their own lives too.

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes, some harder to wrap than others. And, of course, they are some that are that extra bit special and from which everyone can benefit... like the one that Eileen Harkin’s mum, Kathleen, got one Christmas Eve when three children, aged six weeks, one year, and two years’ old, arrived on her doorstep in Donegal.

Three Wise Men came to a manger more than two millennia ago, but these three arrivals in Clonmany would have their little lives changed thanks to the precious gift of love and kindness that poured from that family home in Inishowen… and where that love was returned threefold from the three siblings who had been placed there for short-term foster care but who would only leave when they had grown to adulthood.

Gifts that last a lifetime and which change lives are truly precious, particularly when offered to strangers in need. It’s what makes fostering such a unique thing to do. Eileen Harkin (54) and husband Martin (55) would testify to that.

The couple have been foster carers for 24 years, thanks to Eileen’s inspirational mum, who despite having 12 children of her own and being a widow, still found room in her heart and her home for other peoples.

“Mammy filled the void,” says Eileen. “She first became a foster carer when she saw a poster with the headline, ‘Can you help Johnny?’ Growing up, everyone was welcome in our house. If the devil himself came and knocked on the door and needed help, Mammy would have welcomed him in.”

Eileen and Martin have three birth children of their her own who are now grown up. They are foster parents to three children. Recently they have also become carers to a new-born baby.

“We started fostering when my young boy was two. It was a part of his life. He would say ‘who’s here tonight, Mammy? Like my mother, I have an open house where everyone is welcome, including my children’s friends. I love noise!”

For Eileen, fostering can be a challenge, particularly when a strong bond has been built with a child and that child then returns to their family, but she says the positives far outweigh any of that.

“The rewards are endless… I wouldn’t know where to start. When a child leaves their own home and comes to yours, you know life has been very bad for some poor wee child. When you monitor the difference in a child over months and years, when you start to see them trust you, to reach out and hold your hand, there’s a serious feeling of pride.

“And when children come home from school and want to show you they can do things, that feels good. Small things are huge in a foster home… The nicest thing you can do is to make a child feel loved for a short time.”

Eileen got married when she was 18, but even at that young age she always knew she would foster and made this clear to Martin.

“Having foster siblings made me kinder. I realised that life isn’t rosy for everyone and that it’s not all about ‘Poor Me’ – others have it a lot tougher. I feel if you can help one person on the planet, why wouldn’t you give it a try? Reunification and pre-adoption referrals are wonderful. It’s the nicest feeling in the world,” she says.

“It is a serious honour to be able to look after somebody for someone else. With pre-adoptive babies, we are looking after that child for what we call the ‘tummy mummy’ and for the mammy and daddy who don’t yet know they’ll be getting this baby.”

Eileen, Martin, and their family have supported a total of 35 children down the years. In their home is an album with photos of every child, taken on the day they arrived and the day they left. It’s a record of lives lived and changed for the better.

Tusla Fostering – the national agency for foster care – is seeking foster carers from all walks of life across Ireland to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities. A local foster family will ensure a young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community, and reach their full potential.

Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth, says Tusla Fostering welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.

“It is really important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible because the needs of every child differ. Right now, in every part of Ireland there is a need for foster carers. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities throughout our country. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.

“At Tusla Fostering, our focus is to support foster carers and encourage people to consider becoming a carer for a child who is unable to remain at home. We do this through a spectrum of support for fostering families. We collaborate closely with stakeholders and colleagues to innovate and advocate for children and families in the foster care system.”

And Eileen has some thoughts on anyone who is considering fostering.

“If you can do something in life to help others, you should. There’s no job where you would get such satisfaction. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Some days are tough, but everyone has tough days. The fact is that the world needs kindness right now”, says Eileen.

To learn more about being a foster carer with Tusla Fostering, visit our website, call Freefone 1800 226 771 or email tusla.fostering@tusla.ie