“It’s the best thing we’ve ever done, and we’ve done a lot!”
Wexford couple Wayne and Filomena Bailey reflect on how fostering is not only changing the lives of the children they support, but has enhanced their own lives too.
Filomena and Wayne Bailey are truly on the same page when it comes to fostering. In fact the couple, who are based in Enniscorthy, Co Wexford, happened one day to independently the same article about a child-in-care’s journey through fostering. It was a story that led them to have a conversation about becoming carers themselves.
A little over a year ago, that dream came true with the arrival of three-month old Emily* and, at the time of this interview, they had just welcomed Emily’s newborn brother Sean* into the family as another foster child.
“A lot of people say it’s amazing what we’re doing, but it’s us who are getting the joy out of it. We feel blessed; we wouldn’t be without them,” says Wayne, who is originally from Ballybrack, in Dublin, and works as an IT manager with Dún Laoghaire-Rathdown Library Service. He also writes a Saturday racing tips column with the Irish Independent.
Filomena is originally from Lisbon, Portugal. The pair met 10 years ago. And the past three years have been hectic to say the least: a house move from Dublin to Wexford; renovations of the new home; marriage; and a decision to foster two infants while raising their three birth children – their seven-year-old son, Filomena’s teenage son and Wayne’s daughter (21yrs), who now lives in Canada.
Baby Sean was born on the same date as their own son Liam. As a racing tipster, Wayne might be able to tell us what the odds are of that happening! But aren’t three children of their own enough of a handful without embracing fostering too?
“We felt that we had a lot to give. We have the space; we’ve raised our own kids,” says Filomena (46). “If you can help, why not! Lukas has loved it and is smitten with Emily., and Liam is so proud and protective of them both. Aislinn is very excited to meet the new additions to the family when she makes a trip home to Ireland later this month.
“Everybody has been so helpful; we haven’t had any major issues. Our social worker is lovely. If I send her a text, she’ll answer it quickly. Everybody is so easy to reach.”
Adds Wayne (45): “Anything we’ve needed, we’ve got, and there are plenty of people we can call on. We’ve been very lucky. It has been a great experience. In some instances, children may be in care due to neglect or parents’ addiction issues, but that’s not the case in our situation. We get on well with the children’s mam, who loves them very much, but due to various circumstances, they are in the foster-care system.”
As far as challenges go, this couple are ready to face them head on…
“You have to back yourself, and trust that you’ll cross each bridge when it comes.” That’s sound advice, especially when you consider it comes from one of the country’s top horse-racing tipsters.
The couple say that the assessment process to become foster parents was painstakingly done.
“We were impressed about how thorough the process is,” says Wayne. “It’s intensive, but then it needs to be. You just have to be open and honest; there’s nothing to fear. We’re not two perfect people – nobody is – but we just thought we’d give it a try.
“You’re not tying yourself to anything when you enquire; there’s no pressure to become a foster carer, even though there is a real need.”
Says Filomena: “When people hear about fostering, they might think that it’s too hard, but not everything is a horror story. It has been great for us. The kids make you laugh every day. We wouldn’t change a thing; it’s the best thing we’ve ever done, and we’ve done a lot!”
Tusla Fostering – Ireland’s fostering agency – is seeking foster carers from all walks of life across Ireland to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities. A local foster family will ensure a young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community, and reach their full potential.
There are many misconceptions around who is, or isn’t, eligible to foster. Tusla Fostering currently works with foster carers like Filomena and Wayne from all walks of life. e.g. those who are in a same-sex relationship, are Travellers, are of African or Eastern European origin, are Muslim, have a disability, who don’t have a job currently, who rent, who are single, who are over 40, and with parents who both work.
Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth, says Tusla Fostering welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.
“It is important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible because the needs of every child differ. Right now, in every part of Ireland there is a need for foster carers. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities throughout our country. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.
“In Tusla Fostering, our focus is to support foster carers and encourage people to consider becoming a carer for a child who is unable to remain at home. We do this through a spectrum of support for fostering families. We collaborate closely with stakeholders and colleagues to innovate and advocate for children and families in the foster care system.”
Says Wayne: “It’s not complicated. At the end of the day, it’s just a child who needs some love, there’s nothing simpler than that.”
To learn more about being a foster carer with Tusla Fostering, visit our website, Freefone 1800 226 771 or email tusla.fostering@tusla.ie
*name has been changed to protect the identity of the children