‘We finally got the family we always wanted’
Meath couple Reshenda and Danny Behan reflect on how fostering has not only changed the lives of the little girl that they support, but has enhanced their own lives too.
For ten long, agonising years husband and wife Danny and Reshenda Behan went through miscarriages and the heartbreaking process of IVF in a bid to have children. It wasn’t meant to be. But then something wonderful happened that changed their world completely... Saoirse* came into their lives.
“This is our light at the end of the tunnel,” says Reshenda.
Danny agrees: “I wouldn’t change a day of all the hardship that brought us to Saoirse.”
It was becoming foster carers with Tusla Fostering that brought them all together.
“When we got the first picture of Saoirse, we just burst out crying,” says Reshenda, who works as a software engineer. “We finally got the family we always wanted… it’s the best thing that ever happened to us.”
The couple (both aged 42), who live in Duleek, Co Meath, took Saoirse into their hearts and their home when she was just 11 months’ old. Now, aged four, she is a bundle of energy, and a much more settled and happier child than before she became the apple of Reshenda’s and Danny’s eyes.
“It is wonderful to see a child develop and come out of themselves. Our families, who are very supportive and love Saoirse, all notice how much she’s changed whenever she sees them. She’s the youngest of the grandchildren and absolutely spoiled,” says Danny, who is a fitter by trade but now a stay-at-home dad.
Fostering has proved to be a real learning curve – from the detailed assessment process to see if the couple are suitable to care for someone else’s child, the foster training programme, and the long legal process that eventually resulted in a full, long-term care order.
Along the way, and still, the couple were given invaluable help from their local fostering support group, filled with foster parents just like them, who can advise and empathise with the challenges that also come with raising a child.
After being so long together as a couple, the introduction of a vulnerable baby to their lives has taken some adjusting, but Saoirse has also filled in an absence Danny and Reshenda had felt.
“It’s like a bomb hit the house, but now the house is a home” is how Danny puts it. “She loves making a mess… playing with water or sand or being out in the garden.”
Reshenda’s eyes light up when she reveals what makes this four-year-old so special.
“Saoirse loves dancing and swimming – she’s ahead for her age in that way,” she says with a hint of pride. “And she puts her heart and soul into everything she does. She loves cinema and books and she’s very inquisitive… she’s four going on forty… she’d buy and sell you!”
And how has the couple’s own relationship changed now that there is a highly significant other in their lives?
Says Danny: “You fall more in love more; when you know what great mothering she (Reshenda) is giving to Saoirse… it’s something that was never seen before, so it brings a new level of respect.”
“Now that Saoirse is in school, we’re beginning to get more time to ourselves,” says Reshenda, “and we live close to grandparents, so we still get to have our date nights.”
Listening to these two besotted parents speak, you can tell that whatever arriving at this happy home in Duleek has been a huge blessing for Saoirse.
Tusla Fostering – Ireland’s fostering agency - – is seeking foster carers just like Reshenda and Danny… people from all walks of life across Ireland to help ensure young people can stay connected to their communities. A local foster family will ensure a young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community, and reach their full potential.
There are many misconceptions around who is, or isn’t, eligible to foster. Tusla Fostering works with foster carers from all walks of life. e.g. those who are in a same-sex relationship, are Travellers, are of African or Eastern European origin, are Muslim, have a disability, who don’t have a job currently, who rent, who are single, who are over 40, and with parents who both work.
Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth, says Tusla Fostering welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.
“It is important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible because the needs of every child differ. Right now, in every part of Ireland there is a need for foster carers. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities throughout our country. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.
“In Tusla Fostering, our focus is to support foster carers and encourage people to consider becoming a carer for a child who is unable to remain at home. We do this through a spectrum of support for fostering families. We collaborate closely with stakeholders and colleagues to innovate and advocate for children and families in the foster care system.”
As far as Reshenda, Danny and Saoirse go, after three years together as a family, thoughts are already turning towards the day they might adopt their little girl, and the possibility of fostering again is not being ruled out – although, as Danny says, the biggest factor in that is Saoirse herself.
“The idea of fostering again… that all comes back to Saoirse and making sure it’s the right fit”.
For anyone considering fostering, Reshenda and Danny’s message is “just do it – do the training and see for yourself; you’re tied to nothing even if you that’s all you do.”
To learn more about being a foster carer with Tusla, visit our website, call Freefone 1800 226 771 or email tusla.fostering@tusla.ie
*Name has been changed