Acknowledging, Supporting, and Sustaining Ourselves Through Loss

 

Introduction

Tusla staff dedicate themselves to supporting children and families through adversity, trauma, and loss. Yet staff themselves are also human beings who experience bereavement – whether through the death of a loved one, the impact of client loss, the loss of a colleague, or grief that resurfaces from past experiences.

Recognising, honouring, and supporting staff through grief is central to Tusla’s ethos of empathy and care.

As David Kessler, grief specialist, reminds us: “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint.”

Tusla values this uniqueness and strives to create a culture where staff can grieve with dignity, compassion, and support.

 

Understanding Grief in Ourselves

• Grief is not linear, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
• Staff may experience some or all of the below.
• Emotional responses: sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, yearning.
• Cognitive changes: difficulty concentrating, intrusive thoughts, forgetfulness.
• Physical impact: fatigue, headaches, appetite, and sleep changes.
• Workplace effects: decreased motivation, feeling detached, increased sensitivity.

 

David Kessler reminds us: “Grief does not need to be fixed. It needs to be witnessed.”

As professionals, we often feel compelled to “do” – but when it comes to our own grief, permission to simply “be” is vital.

 

Self-Care and Coping Strategies for Staff

Tusla encourages staff to approach their own grief with the same compassion they extend to others. Helpful strategies include:

• Allowing space: Give yourself time away from work if needed. Take compassionate leave where appropriate.
• Acknowledging emotions: Permit yourself to feel without judgement. Suppressed grief often finds its way out in unexpected ways.
• Seeking connection: Talking with trusted colleagues, friends, or family members can ease isolation.
• Honouring memories: Rituals, remembrance, or small acts of tribute can help integrate loss.
• Prioritising wellbeing: Sleep, nutrition, movement, and rest are foundational to resilience.
• Accessing professional support: Counselling, whether through Tusla’s Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) Ph:  or external services, provides confidential space for processing grief.

 

Supporting Colleagues Through Bereavement

Tusla is a community. Supporting one another strengthens resilience and fosters belonging.

Practical steps include:

• Presence over solutions: Simply being there often matters more than words.
• Small acts of kindness: A message, a check-in, or practical help can ease a colleague’s load.
• Respect for individuality: Some colleagues may wish to talk openly, others may prefer privacy. Both should be respected.
• Awareness of triggers: Anniversaries, significant dates, or unexpected reminders may heighten grief. Gentle awareness can prevent colleagues feeling isolated.
• Encouraging support-seeking: Remind colleagues of available resources without pressure.

David Kessler highlights: “The greatest gift we can give someone who is grieving is our presence.”

Within Tusla, this presence extends to colleagues as well as service users.

 

Guidance for Managers

Managers within Tusla play a critical role in modelling compassion and ensuring bereaved staff feel supported. Key considerations include:

• Compassionate communication: Acknowledge the loss sensitively and personally. Avoid silence, which may be misinterpreted as indifference.
• Flexibility: Offer compassionate leave, phased returns, adjusted caseloads, or flexible hours where possible.
• Practical support: Ensure clear processes for leave, workload redistribution, and access to Occupational Health.
• Follow-up: Check in after the initial return to work; grief often continues long beyond the first weeks.
• Team awareness: With the staff member’s consent, update colleagues to reduce awkwardness and ensure sensitive support.
• Boundary awareness: Managers are not expected to act as counsellors but can signpost to EAP or external supports.

 

Resources and Supports Available

TUSLA Internal supports:

• Tusla Employee Assistance Programme (EAP): Confidential counselling, advice, and wellbeing resources. Phone: 1800 817 435, there will be a triage assessment system to ensure you get the support that you require. Find  more information at https://www.tusla.ie/health-wellbeing-and-eap/employee-assistance-and-counselling-service
• Occupational Health Service: Guidance and support around health and work adjustments. Follow the link for more information https://www.tusla.ie/health-wellbeing-and-eap/occupational-health-service
• Line management and HR: Support for leave arrangements and workplace accommodations.
• HR & Line Management: Compassionate leave and flexibility.

 

External supports:

 

• HSE Bereavement Counselling Service: Regional free support. Follow the link: https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/services-support/bereavement/#helplines-that-offer-bereavement-suppor
• HSE National Counselling Service: Freephone 1800 234 110.  Connect -Professional Telephone Counselling and Support: 1800477477: Opening hours Wednesday to Sunday 5pm to 9pm https://connectcounselling.ie  

• Irish Hospice Foundation: Bereavement resources and national bereavement support line. Website: www.hospicefoundation.ie  Support line: 1800 80 70 77. Monday to Friday, 10am to 1pm
• Barnardos Bereavement Service: Supports for adults and children affected by grief. www.barnardos.ie Helpline: 01 4732110:  Monday to Thursday, 10am to 12pm
• Rainbows Ireland: Peer support for children & young people. www.rainbowsireland.ie   
• Pieta - Free 1-to-1 counselling, therapy and support for people bereaved by suicide and or who are thinking about suicide. Freephone: 1800 24 72 47 any time. Text HELP to 51444 - standard message rates apply: Website:  www.pieta.ie
• Samaritans: Emotional support for anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to listen without judgement or pressure. Freephone: 116 123 - any time. Email: jo@samaritans.ie. Website: www.samaritans.ie
• Widow.ie - Provides information and self-help resources for widows, widowers, and bereaved life partners. Website: www.widow.ie 

 

• Text About It: Text About It is a free, 24/7 service, providing everything from a calming chat to immediate support for your mental health and emotional wellbeing. Free text HELLO to 50808 for an anonymous chat with a trained volunteer, any time.

Website: www.textaboutit.ie

 

Bereavement self-help resources

• The Irish Hospice Foundation: The Irish Hospice Foundation has information and resources for coping with grief in children, adolescents, and families. This includes podcasts on grief and loss guided practices on grief videos on understanding loss and grief. Website: www.hospicefoundation.ie

 

Organisations for bereaved parents and families

The following support is available for bereaved parents and families.

Anam Cara: Supports parents after bereavement by signposting to services and providing information evenings in the community throughout the country. Website: www.anamcara.ie

Féileacáin: Provides support to anyone affected by the death of a baby during or after pregnancy. Website: www.feileacain.ie

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Ireland Provides information for bereaved parents and healthcare staff about pregnancy and infant loss. Website: www.pregnancyandinfantloss.ie

FirstLight: Provides crisis intervention and free professional counselling services to bereaved parents and family members who have suddenly lost a child up to age 18. Website: www.firstlight.ie

A Little Lifetime Foundation: Provides information and support to bereaved parents and families. Website: www.alittlelifetime.ie  

 

Organisations for bereaved children and young people

The following support is available for bereaved children.

Barnardos: Specialist bereavement service where children and young people are supported to grieve. Provides information on grief in children, adolescents and families and free e-books Website: www.barnardos.ie

The Irish Childhood Bereavement Network: Information and resources for coping with grief in children, adolescents, and families. Website: www.childhoodbereavement.ie

Rainbows: Supports children and young people with bereavement or parental separation. Website: www.rainbowsireland.ie

Play therapy: Offers creative arts therapies for families and children. Website: www.playtherapy.ie

 

Supports for people bereaved by suicide

The following support is available if you have lost a loved one to suicide.

HUGG: Information and support groups for anyone over age 18 who has lost a loved one to suicide. Services are provided by people who have been bereaved by suicide. Website: www.hugg.ie

Pieta: Free individual counselling, therapy and support for people who have been bereaved by suicide and for people who are thinking about suicide. Freephone: 1800 24 72 47 any time. Text HELP to 51444 - standard message rates apply Website: www.pieta.ie

The Suicide Bereavement Liaison Service: The Suicide Bereavement Liaison Officer can meet with a bereaved family as a group or individually. They can answer questions about some of the difficult practical issues following a death by suicide. You can also get help accessing a therapeutic service, or even just to talk with someone locally about what has happened. Contact a suicide bereavement liaison officer: Ph: telephone enquiries to 0818 111 126. https://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/4/mental-health-services/nosp/suicide-bereavement-liaison-officers

 

Resources for children (Safe Harbour)

Safe Harbour is an illustrated story book for children bereaved by suicide. It comes with resources for adults on how to read the book with a child.

These resources can help you:

• Talk about death and suicide in a way children can understand.
• Encourage children to talk about how they feel.
• The resources are free and available online in English and Irish.

If you support a child who was bereaved by suicide, you can also order a printed copy of the book and guide. Safe Harbour – www.childhoodbereavement.ie

 

Counselling services:

Talk to your GP about counselling services. If you are over age 18 and have a medical card, they can refer you for free counselling through the National Counselling Service (NCS). This service is called Counselling in Primary Care. You can also access counselling privately. You can find qualified counsellors who specialise in bereavement, loss, and grief through the:

Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP)

Irish Association of Humanistic and Integrative Psychotherapy

Psychological Society of Ireland (PSI)

 

Conclusion

Tusla recognises that our staff are our greatest resource. Grief touches all of us, and it deserves acknowledgement, compassion, and care.

 

As David Kessler writes: “Grief is love with nowhere to go.”

By nurturing ourselves and one another through bereavement, we honour not only the memory of those we have lost, but also Tusla’s commitment to empathy, dignity, and respect for all.