Encouraging good behaviour

Every child misbehaves sometimes, and every family will have different rules and ideas about good and bad behaviour. Each family also uses different ways of teaching good behaviour or dealing with problems.

By stepping back a little and thinking about how we talk to and act around our children, it can become much easier to get them to behave well.

Most children misbehave to get your attention. When you’re busy, it’s easy not to notice a well behaved child who is amusing themselves, drawing or watching TV. It’s not so easy to ignore a wild tantrum! Praising your children when they behave well is an ideal way to encourage good behaviour.

Use rewards and go out of your way to praise good behaviour like cleaning their room or speaking politely. Rewards can be a hug, a kiss or simply saying “thank you” or “well done”!

Speaking to children in a positive way helps to build their self esteem. Try not to slip into habits like name-calling – “why are you so bold, don’t be stupid”. Set a good example in the way you act. Don’t use negative language, such as “don’t do that”, and changing it to “Why don’t you do this instead”.

Finally, be consistent. Children react well to routine, and to having a really good idea of what to expect at home. If you say something will happen, you need to make sure it happens. This applies equally to promises and threats!

For example:
If you regularly break promises to a child, like a promise of an outing or a treat, that child will learn that you are not trustworthy. Even though there are often good reasons for plans to change, children will not understand those reasons too often.

Equally, if a child misbehaves, and you punish them with, for example, no TV for a week, you need to stick to it. If you don’t stick to it, your child will learn that they don’t get punished for bad behaviour, and you will see that behaviour again.

So, when you decide on a punishment, stick to it, and choose something that is fair, reasonable, and that you can and will see through.